That's when you crack a 10am beer
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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