I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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