I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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