I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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