when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
