All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
