they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
