i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
