First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
