Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
