At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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