You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
