dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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