Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
