do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
