Where did you get a picture of my penis
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
