How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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