1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
