i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
