I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
