he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I am mentally ready for anal.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize