who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
