we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
