So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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