Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
