JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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