OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
