we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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