the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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