Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
