The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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