He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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