dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
