Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
