So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
