I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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