we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
