when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
