Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
