I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
