we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
