I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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