New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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