omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just cut my nipple shaving
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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