Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize