Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
