My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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