i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
