So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
