New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
