i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
