if i can run in heels then i can drive
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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