no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
