I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
