So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
