I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize