I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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