Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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