Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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