I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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