and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
