things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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