This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
