Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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