You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
