Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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