So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
