where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
