I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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