did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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