I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
